3 Lessons Children Can Learn From a Freelancing Parent
Posted January 26, 2010 in Inspiration, Lifestyle
My children know there’s something strange about their Mom.
She doesn’t have a job, for one thing. Heck, she wears yoga pants all day. Yet she manages to pay for family vacations and surprise packages from Amazon.com. She claims that articles wake her up at two a.m., wanting to be birthed. And she’s always around. Seriously, doesn’t this woman have better things to do?
It can be strange for a child to grow up with a parent who works at home as a freelancer.
It’s rare nowadays to come home to a house smelling of brownies. Or to know that somebody will always answer the phone when the school calls in an emergency. Or, gasp, to spend so much time with your parent. What will your friends think?
But, it is precisely in living a life that is so against the grain, so counter-cultural, that I hope my children are learning lessons that will enhance their own lives.
More specifically, here are the lessons I hope they’re learning from their weird, freelancing Mom:
1. Parenthood and Career Can Mix
Two of my children are female. Society would have them believe that when they become mothers they will most likely have to sacrifice their careers. Or, at least, that they would have to neglect their families to pursue successful careers.
By watching me, I hope my daughters are learning that they can have both. Freelancing isn’t a way for me to settle for something less. I didn’t “give up” a lucrative job to become a more hands-on Mom.
No, I’m doing exactly what I want to do, what I’ve always longed to do — and that includes caring for my family.
As they see me pounding away at the computer while their brother naps, I hope this lesson gets imprinted in their minds and hearts.
2. Artists Eat
We all know the phrase, “starving artist.” Creative people are fun to have around, but they never make any money, right?
I would love to see the day when that belief becomes a myth. My heart breaks every time I hear of a parent discouraging their children from pursuing artistic or creative fields… because they don’t want them to wind up as starving artists.
“Just make it a hobby,” they say. “You can do that on your spare time,” they advise. Not knowing that performing, creating art, painting with words or making music is what makes their children’s hearts blaze with passion. A high-paying career in finance would extinguish that fire. Their tummies may be full, but their souls will be famished.
(On the other hand, if finance is your child’s passion, that’s a whole different story.)
I tell my children, “You can do anything you want (when you grow up) as long as it’s not illegal, immoral, or dangerous.” Whatever it is, I’ll show them how to make it profitable.
Talent pays. Be talented.
3. Presence is Better than Presents
It’s true, I’ll probably make more money by taking a full-time job or freelancing full-time and sticking the munchkins in a daycare.
What would I do with all that extra money? I would buy my kids expensive toys, clothes and holidays to make up for my absence and assuage the guilt that would nag me. Been there, done that.
Children grow up fast. They really do. That baby I used to dance to sleep to my favorite rock song is now a teenager who would stop kissing me good-bye if I let her get away with it. Does she remember all the expensive stuff we showered her with (she was an only child for six years)? Hubby and I do, but our daughter? Hardly.
What about “quality” time? Well, quantity is a part of quality. No matter how much fun you’re having with your child, for example, if you can spare only ten minutes, then it’s not quality time.
Just being physically present, on the other hand, can be comforting in and of itself. There’s no need to manufacture witty banter, life-changing advice, or roaring good fun. Those will come up, naturally, just by being together. Childhood memories are made up of experiences, not stuff.
Ultimately, I’d like my children to realize that freelancing is my way of creating the life I want: a life made up of family, personal growth, and creative freedom. It’s not right for everybody, but it’s just perfect for me.
I hope my children will have the courage to create the lives that will make them happy too.
Share Your Lessons
If you’re a freelancing parent, what lessons would you like to teach your children? Or, if you grew up with a freelancing parent, what did you pick up from them that’s useful in your life today?
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About the author: Lexi Rodrigo is the creator of The Savvy Freelancer, a blog that's all about achieving creative and financial freedom through freelancing. Check out Lexi's free guide, 31 Days to Start Your Freelancing Business (or Make Yours A Better One).
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69 Comments
Salma Jafri
January 26th, 2010 at 9:58 amGreat post Lexi and very timely for me considering I was just wondering about the impact of freelancing on my 2-year old daughter. She already understands that when I’m working, I’m earning money and helping people.
I want to instill 2 values in her via my freelancing career: to be passionate about what you’re doing and to have positive feelings about wealth creation & entrepreneurship. School (and indeed society) just doesn’t teach this stuff to kids.
Again, great post – thanks for your insights!
Maximilian Bartel
January 26th, 2010 at 10:02 amWonderful post – really enjoyed reading it a lot, especially the opinion that children should do whatever makes their hearts blaze with passion!
Kara Gray
January 26th, 2010 at 10:36 amThis is an excellent topic! After 6 years of freelancing, I’ve also come to realize that I’m teaching another valuable lesson to my girls (ages 7 and 2): you needn’t feel boxed in by traditional employment. Technology allows us to pursue so many new and exciting opportunities. My rural area is very much stuck in the traditional employment rut: the vast majority either punch a clock at a factory, go to an office 8-5 or work in retail. My freelance career has demonstrated that you need not limit yourself to these boundaries any longer. And, as technology (and attitudes) that enable the freelance model advance, so too will the opportunities for rural children to pursue whatever their heart’s desire, not just what’s available within a reasonable driving distance. Nor will they feel required to leave the beauty, comfort and low cost of living for “better” opportunities in metro areas.
Andrea_R
January 26th, 2010 at 10:37 amHave a freelancing parent is only strange to others, not the child. :) It’s normal for them.
Having gone all the way to the other side, with two of our children grown and in the workforce, they have definitely seen the adult benefits of freelancing. Yes, we’ve encouraged them to follow their passions. Maybe it was becasue my mom told me that, “Nobody makes money in art, dear” when I wanted to go to the craft college my daughter is now attending. She is so unbelievably happy with pursuing her dreams, it makes it worthwhile.
And yes – she plans on freelancing. Because her parents taught her by example that she can make anything happen.
Ivan Ćosić
January 26th, 2010 at 10:39 amLexi, this topic completely knocked me down.
I work as lead designer in marketing team of one of the wholesale companies in Serbia. My wife and me picked to live in Belgrade since it’s much easier to find a job, however our parents are living in not so distant towns where we in fact have space to live without paying rent. We both work around 8 hours a day, with hour to get there and hour to get home that’s 10 hours dedicated to work, being out of home. We went to our friends in Switzerland to visit them for holidays, they live in town 80km from Zurich, where my friend works, he devotes around 12-13h per day for his work… Same like we do in Belgrade, just stakes are higher.
This whole month I am under the feeling that I really don’t want “to live to work”, and that whole purpose of life is to go on work and sort your week around “wake up/travel/work/travel/sleep”, I want to work to be able to live nice. To enjoy time we got to live.
“Presence is Better than Presents” you cannot believe how good this line is… When kids come in year or two I want to spend much more time with them, not to be (sorry for language) “pissed off father who just came back from work and need a rest so be quiet”
I’m regular lurker here, sorting out plans to join (back) ranks of freelancers.
Great post once again…
Tony Oravet
January 26th, 2010 at 10:41 amWhat a great post! It’s always nice to read articles about the social and financial benefits of freelancing and being your own boss. It is even better to be reminded of how freelancing allows for more the important aspects of life. I agree that your job should be something that you are passionate about. Having quality time with your family is what we should all be striving for….but having the time to be with your family, and also having time to get your freelance work completed would be a tremendous blessing. Of course it comes with sacrifices like you mentioned, but we are called to raise our children up in Godly homes…and to do that…WE HAVE TO BE THERE. While there are great people all around us, we can’t place that sole responsibility in someone else’s hand….and freelancing allows for that quality time you need in order to do that. Thanks again for the great post and keep up the great work. I have really enjoyed reading the “31 Days to Start Freelancing” and being reminded of the things that I need to continue to focus on in my freelancing career.
Katharine
January 26th, 2010 at 10:52 amI love this post! It sums up what I’ve learned over the past 15 years of freelancing full time.
Lexi Rodrigo
January 26th, 2010 at 11:04 am@Salma – “To have positive feelings about wealth creation and entrepreneurship” – I love it! That’s so true! In general, we have so much guilt and other BS when it comes to wealth creation. I have to learn this lesson myself. Thanks for sharing!
@Maximillian Bartel – Unfortunately, my hubby is one of those whose passion was not supported, so this is a very important topic to me.
@Kara Gray – We are fortunate to live in times when we have more choices and opportunities than traditional employment. Thanks for the input!
@Andrea-R – I’m not so sure my kids see me as “normal.” I know they occasionally wonder why I’m not like other Moms (also because I do the attachment parenting thing). I am so happy for your daughter! What a blessing it is to receive all the support to pursue her passion!
@Ivan Cosic – I hear you. I used to have a similar lifestyle, spending 2-3 hours getting to/from work and living for the weekends. It takes a lot of preparation, effort and guts to create the lifestyle you want, but it’s worth it. All the best to you and your wife!
@Tony Oravet – Thank you very much for your kind words. I like what you wrote, “WE HAVE TO BE THERE.” Yes we do! Just be present, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Lexi Rodrigo
January 26th, 2010 at 11:05 am@Katharine – Thank you! Glad I’m on the right track, as I’ve only been doing this freelancing thing for almost 2 years.
Kimberly
January 26th, 2010 at 11:55 amWhat a great post. My children tell me all the time how glad they are that I work “at home.”
Jen
January 26th, 2010 at 11:59 amThank you for this post! As a freelancing mom of two young girls who are actually homeschooled, I am deeply aware of how I am affecting them. My oldest (who is 8) told me the other day that she was glad I stay home now and that she wanted to write when she grew up so she be a “mommy like you”. I cried. Mostly because until a year ago I dropped her off at child care at 7 am and couldn’t pick her up until 6:30 pm. I virtually never spent time with my precious little girl. I made the decision to freelance because I was watching her and her sister grow without really spending time with them, the way I was raised. “Presence over presents” is perfect, my kids don’t remember who gave them what toy or when, but they remember when I wasn’t there.
Archan Mehta
January 26th, 2010 at 12:25 pmLexi,
Bless your heart for having the courage to pursue your dreams. Your post is excellent.
Have you watched the movie, “Dead Poet’s Society” starring Robin Williams?
It’s a brilliant movie and your post reminded me of that movie. Check it out, by the way.
“Only those who dream/Are truly free/It always thus was/And always thus will be.”
Unfortunately, so many of us choose jobs that steal the joy from our lives. And life is really short. What a waste of human potential to spend one-third of you waking hours doing something that is not your cup of tea. Your husband’s story is really sad, but he is in good company. So many people struggle with such issues in our society today, so take heart.
So often, the “prestige occupations” don’t make our spirits soar. Instead, we return home weary and red-eyed: we feel stressed and the tension spills over into our relationships.
I know of a doctor who failed at medicine: temperamentally, he was not cut out for this line of work and only pursued it because he was academically smart and due to social pressure.
Now, he has joined a pharmaceutical company with an MBA and probably mints money doing something that suits him. Another doctor friend is working as a security guard and does not know where the heck his life has taken him. By contrast, it brings a smile to my face to know of people like you who have found their true calling and earn a living too.
Trisha
January 26th, 2010 at 12:40 pmMy mother worked from home; she was into direct sales rather than freelancing, but she taught me so much about balancing work and life, and how to be professional and be a distinctly quirky person – who had some damn fine kids that she could brag about to clients. She is also a great confidant to go to, still, for anything – including facing problems and stresses specific to working at home. :) She is one of the best role models a girl could have!
John Suder
January 26th, 2010 at 12:50 pmThis article really hit home for me. I’ve been freelancing for 10 years, and my son is now 13. He’s happy that I’m here for him when he gets home, and loves the fact that we can spend more ‘quality time’ together than most kids. Sure, there’s been some rough times – in the last year I’ve gone through Cancer treatment and surgery, which pretty much put a hold on my business – but I wouldn’t trade the freedom and time with my son for a desk job – ever. I always try and teach him that you need to make your own way in life. And I know he’ll carry the memories of time spent together with him the rest of his life (which will hopefully make him a great father!).
Lexi Rodrigo
January 26th, 2010 at 12:59 pm@Kimberly – That’s the best, when we hear it from our children.
@Jen – Those were the days, huh? When I was a first-time Mom, I felt that the babysitter knew my child better than I did. And it was probably true. It’s a gift for us to be there for our children.
@Trisha – How blessed you are to have a positive role model!
@John Suder – You made me realize all the more how precious is the time we spend with our loved ones. All the best to you and your family! Stay well!
Dani
January 26th, 2010 at 1:17 pmMy reasons exactly for wanting to freelance! It’s so refreshing to hear of someone else living out my dream. I’m hoping to make a successful transition from full-time job to freelancer…hopefully sooner rather than later, before we begin our family.
Lisa Jackson
January 26th, 2010 at 1:36 pmThank you for this article! It made me so happy to think about why what I do is beneficial to my kids. My husband works full time and supports our family fully. I am a freelancer because I love it. I love having something to do that is not related to childcare and housewifery. I love that I get money from it. I love that I make a difference in the business community, and that successful businesspeople can credit some of their successes to what I did to help them. I love working with these brilliant businesspeople and rubbing shoulders with them. Some of their good traits might be rubbing off onto me!
But I had not much considered the benefits my children may experience, until I read your article this morning, from a twitter link. Being a stay-home mom has obvious benefits, but I have thought of a few benefits to doing freelance graphic design from home, while my kids watch.
This is what I can think of right now.:
-They do not get to watch what their daddy does at work, but they get to watch what mommy does at work!
-They get to see that money to pay off debt comes along with mommy working hard and being busy a lot, and that when mommy is free from that work (which is most of the time), there is not the extra money from mom’s clients to pay off debts.
-They see that a person with creative talents can make money at it, and that a person can make money doing what they love to do.
-They get to learn that the house must be clean for a client. They get to see me meet with clients and see the way that I talk with them, with kindness, confidence and enthusiasm.
-They get to learn that mommy’s can earn money from home.
-They see that mommy has abilities and talents not really related to childcare and housewifery. They can see how mommy’s doing these things makes her very happy.
-They get to learn that employment is not the only way to make a career, but that another option is entrepeneurship and self-employment. They learn that becoming an entrepreneur isn’t bad or stupid or way too risky.
-They learn about taxes & marketing, a little bit.
Michelle Quillin
January 26th, 2010 at 1:43 pmWhat an encouraging post this was! My husband’s father was laid off from a steel mill in Pittsburgh after 17 years, and lost everything he’d worked for. He gave my husband a piece of advice: “Do what you love, and work for yourself — no one can fire you.” Scott has been a freelancer since our daughter was 2, and then we homeschooled her from 6th grade on, so we were all home together. He had a short stint as a youth pastor that kept him away a lot, and it showed in our family. Returning to freelancing exclusively, we pinched pennies while he was built his skill set, expanded his knowledge, grew his portfolio and reputation, and raised a daughter of great strength and confidence.
Our daughter is 19 now, a gifted (paid) artist and award-winning writer because of the way we nurtured and encouraged her passions and gifts.
And let me tell you, there’s no greater reward than knowing you were there for all those tough teenage challenges, to talk and love and mentor with no time limits put on you by someone else’s schedule.
Lexi Rodrigo
January 26th, 2010 at 1:49 pm@Archan – OF COURSE I know “Dead Poets Society.” Remember: Carpe Diem! (Seize the day!)
Jenny
January 26th, 2010 at 2:05 pmThank you for this post. It is well written and spoke to my heart and soul. Thank you for being a great example of how to make ‘work’ meaningful, enjoyable…and workable in and around parenthood.
Credit Girl
January 26th, 2010 at 2:13 pmThis is a great post! It’s interesting to see how a freelancing parent’s career may be in the household but it seems, for you at least, that it is an ideal situation in which you are able to work AND spend time with your children. And I totally agree with your idea that being talented at something pays because if you’re the best in that field, there WILL be a job for you.
Another lesson children can learn from a freelancing parent who is not always busy with different jobs is that if the money gets tight for that month, there needs to be some financial budgeting to allocate costs evenly. If a child can learn to save and see that money needs to be used wisely, that child will grow up to be a successful saver as well! Here’ s an article I wrote on “How to Budget on a Freelance Income” :http://www.gobankingrates.com/budgeting-for-freelancers/
Paul d'Aoust
January 26th, 2010 at 2:34 pmWhat a beautiful post. I don’t normally comment on posts here, but I had to make an exception for this one because it was so full of heart.
My fiancée and I have talked a lot about this sort of thing… Her suggestion to me was, if we both work out of home, we could each work three days a week. That would give us both an opportunity to be at home and watch our kids grow, and would allow us to escape and hang out with grown-ups as well ;-)
We both feel like our family will be more important than our jobs. It’s just so refreshing to hear you say these things about your kids, because it seems like it’s a rare thing nowadays — everybody is so career-oriented, to the exclusion of all else sometimes, and it just seems lame and boring to us.
I’m freelancing right now, but I’ve often wondered how this will look when kids come along. I love the idea, but I have to ask: do you folks ever get any work done, or are there always requests for sandwiches and stuff?
Katharine
January 26th, 2010 at 2:43 pm@Paul, how much work you can get done at one stretch depends entirely on your personality and ability to remain focused, on your child’s temperament, and on your child’s age and level of independence.
When my sons were babies, I got long stretches of work done because I wore them in a sling-style baby carrier, where they breastfed and napped off and on all day while I sat at my computer and edited manuscripts. When they became more mobile, I took a lot more breaks to play with them and meet their physical and emotional needs. Now that they’re 8 and 15, I’m back to working longer stretches and must make a conscious choice to take breaks to hang out with them.
Jen
January 26th, 2010 at 3:13 pmPaul:
I had the same concerns when I started freelancing as a single parent with kids who are homeschooled for medical reasons.
I have to say that while some days are better than others and it definitely took some maneuvering to work a productive schedule for us, I do get a lot done now.
It is difficult and requires a lot of focus and determination but I feel it is definitely worth it. I do like your idea of giving you both time at home. My husband (I am now remarried) often feels he is missing out on things because he isn’t home as often.
Lexi Rodrigo
January 26th, 2010 at 4:58 pm@Dani – Good luck! I highly recommend “The Unlimited Freelancer” to help you in your journey.
@Michelle Quillin – Sometimes we have to make sacrifices to have the lifestyle we really want. But it’s so worth it, as I can tell from how your daughter is now. Thanks for sharing!
@Jenny – Thank you for your feedback. It means a lot to me.
@Credit Girl – Thanks for the link. And you’re right, learning to live within your means is a vital lesson every parent should teach their child.
@Paul d’Aoust – I work while DS plays or watches TV (one hour in the morning), and definitely during his naps (2 hours or more, if I’m lucky). I also get more stuff done when my older children are home from school, because they keep the toddler busy. I also have fewer interruptions now that DS is potty trained.
I’m going to be able to do more work when he starts school this September. Sometimes I have to get by on little sleep to get everything done, but it still beats having an office job :-)
You may also want to read this:
http://freelancefolder.com/productivity-tips-for-freelancers-with-toddlers-underfoot/
Pat
January 26th, 2010 at 5:05 pmI’d like to echo what Kara said. I’ve offered my kids a nontraditional model of employment. They don’t have to work for “The Man” and b*tch about their jobs all the time–they have the freedom, and the responsibility, to create their own best livelihoods. I’ve also shown them, I hope, that’s there’s more to life than work.
There’s no substitute for being there when they’re ready to talk about something, either, especially for teenagers.
Thanks so much for this thought-provoking post!
joanna
January 26th, 2010 at 9:07 pmGreat post! I love: “Their tummies may be full, but their souls will be famished.”
I made the decision to stay home and pursue my dream very recently and so far so good. I completely believe that when trust your dream and abilities you can make it happen. And *that* is what I want to teach my children.
Mike Smith
January 26th, 2010 at 11:32 pmYou said “You can do anything you want (when you grow up) as long as it’s not illegal, immoral, or dangerous.”
But what if they want to be a stunt woman or something along those lines? Dangerous, but it’s their passion. Just thought I’d ask :)
Family Matters
January 27th, 2010 at 12:09 amIsn’t it funny how only this morning, I was talking to my kids about the same thing on the way to school/work?
My husband left great salaries in IT and a management career and I left the comfort of teaching for a home-based business. We spent lots of money, got a whole new set of skills (including blogging) and what we (and our kids) got in return is simply priceless, while getting ever better financially.
Great post!
Solomon
January 27th, 2010 at 12:42 amMy story : I hated the idea of coming home from a day job after picking up my wife on the way to a sleepy and half -awake child at 9 pm. My son was just 7 yrs then. I hated it that way. I decided to work part time with agencies. Even to my utter bad luck even part-timers turned out to be full time in the pretext of meeting clients in the evenings.
I, at last, turned it into a freelancing mode. The benefits are fabulous; as you mentioned in your post. if not for purely financial reasons, though :)!
My child after coming from school watches me work on the computer. He knows now that it is always fulfilling to work on our own as dad is at home with him. I put up a brave front with clients – by me answering in an affirmative YES for critical projects before my son.
The benefits of working before your child is: to show them role models – people who work in a different way than the traditional. I always feel we need to work before our children for a while. They can be taught how to make a living. Celebrating’ WORK’ itself. They don’t watch us work in offices, so it helps give them a new perspective.
Thanks for the wonderful post, and erudite discussion above!
Monica
January 27th, 2010 at 1:21 amGreat post! thanks for sharing.
Sandra-The Soulful Parent
January 27th, 2010 at 2:38 amWhat a great post Lexi… and I agree in the importance of the message that we give our kids when we embody the freedom and flexibility that allows us to be present for them and even take some vacations!
I really needed to hear this today.. I am a “freelancer” because I am growing my coaching business and found myself without my “daytime” job. Your post helped me refocused and remember the “why” of this journey I am on!
Thanks so much!
Sandra Huber-CEO
Chief Encouraging Officer
The Soulful Parent
Paul d'Aoust
January 27th, 2010 at 2:42 am@Katharine: Gulp, I’m not so sure about my ability to stay motivated! :-) But if my kids are anything like I was, they’ll be pretty easy indeed. Now, if they’re like my fiancée was, I’ll probably be spending most of my time cleaning up toddler ‘science experiements’ :-)
@Jen: I thought it was interesting, what you said about your husband feeling like he’s missing out. I think part of the reason I want to spend a lot of time with my future kids is that my dad often says the same thing. I can’t imagine what it would be like to freelance and homeschool at the same time though! Crazy stuff! I know that a kid can be pretty self-directed (I was homeschooled and did almost all my work by myself), but I don’t know that that’s the norm.
@Lexi: that’s interesting and a handy thing to remember — the older kids taking care of the younger ones.
Anyway, great discussion, everyone. It’s rare that you find a post about freelancing that feels so… ‘lifey’.
Nancy
January 27th, 2010 at 3:04 amNice post. I appreciated being reminded again of the big picture. My son, age 3, is a little too young to understand the working-for-money thing. He says to me, “No work, Mommy,” and tries to pull me away from my chair. But on the other side of the coin, he thinks it’s perfectly normal to have both parents at home all the time. We eat three meals together every day, have time together first thing in the morning, and take our little breaks throughout the day to play together. My husband “runs interference” for me when I’m overloaded with work, and I do the same for him. And, since our son is an only child, we want him to be comfortable playing by himself and to learn to keep himself entertained. He’s catching on. It’s not a cakewalk, but we are definitely the two most important people in his life–every minute of every day. I think my biggest challenge is figuring out who’s interrupting whom: Is the work interrupting my time with my son, or is my son interrupting my time at work? That’s up to each freelancer to decide–which we are free to do as nonemployees. Thanks for the thoughtful post.
Mike B
January 27th, 2010 at 4:53 amParents should never discourage their children from pursuing their dreams. I once overheard a teacher telling a very talented individual that she shouldn’t pursue a career in Art as it would never lead anywhere. Its really discouraging when that happens and also very unprofessional I think.
Venus
January 27th, 2010 at 6:56 amThank you for this. I’m putting it up on my corkboard for future reference. Next time I’m feeling “torn,” “pulled in two directions,” “overwhelmed,” (words that sometimes show up in my journal as I homeschool my teens and build my business), this post will remind me of the huge example I am setting for my daughter and my son.
I chose to homeschool so I could encourage my kids to be independent-thinking entrepreneurs in a world where opportunities to be an “employee” (especially a fulfilled one) are shrinking. Now, being a freelancer (with a husband who is also a freelancer) sets the example and shows them the way.
Beautiful post.
George Passwater
January 27th, 2010 at 11:30 amGreat post.
I too am a freelancer and parent. I had to leave the corporate world to care more for my children. I have two of them and one is Special Needs. She needs therapy, doctor visits and someone to be here.
Now I am the stay-at-home Dad that works at home and takes care of whatever is needed for the house and children. I wouldn’t trade it for the world and my children love having me here as well.
Thanks again for this great post.
Kara Gray
January 27th, 2010 at 11:59 amI so admire all of you that have been successful at freelancing–and even homeschooling–while caring for your children. But, I feel the need for full disclosure here and I’ll explain why….while I have been a full-time freelancer for 6 years, and it has been great being more available for my family, I have used child care arrangements for both of my daughters. For those who can work with little ones underfoot–more power to you; I’m envious. However, I think this raises two important issues that freelancers with wee ones must face: 1) does my child who is home with me 24/7 get enough interaction/socialization with other children? and 2) am I really able to devote 100% of my attention to them? For me, the answer to both was, unfortunately, no.
I think all children need regular interaction with their peers in order to develop socially. Quality child care can provide this, as well as provide the freelancing parent with the time needed to fully concentrate on work, so that when the children are around, you’re not feeling pulled in two different directions (or more!), which for me caused an incredible amount of stress, strained relationships and irritability.
Maybe it’s the type of work that I do (mostly hi-tech PR writing), but I need to be able to concentrate in order to be effective and produce quality work, which translates directly to respectable income to support said children. When I tried to work with my little ones around, I was unable to devote my full attention to my work or to them, which didn’t seem fair to either party. I was constantly saying, “just a minute” to requests for help with baby doll clothing changes and other requests, and I loathed the idea of my kids being parked in front of the TV for any length of time. When my husband would come home from work (and I’d not accomplished all that I needed to for that day), I was practically handing the kids over to him as he came through the door. I was unhappy, and so was he. I was stressed out and irritable. And, as the adage goes, “When mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy,” was certainly true in my house.
As it is now, my youngest spends 6 hrs. a day at a private sitter, where she has friends, playmates and educational activities. My oldest is in school. When I get her off the bus from school at 3 p.m., my workday day is done and we pick up little sister from the sitter.
Do I wish I could have them both here all day long? Certainly. Does it make me a bad mom because I don’t? I don’t think so. I think the ability to set boundaries is also an important lesson to teach. When my work day is done, I’m all theirs–no work interruptions and they get my undivided attention.
joanna
January 27th, 2010 at 12:11 pm@Kara I could never do my work if the children were home! My oldest is in 1st grade and the youngest is in pre-school/playschool 4 days a week. They get the necessary social interaction and I stay sane. And when I’m sane I can be a better mom and wife.
I am here to get them off to school and I am here to welcome them home, but for 6 blissful hours, mon-thu I can work and be just Me, not Mommy-Me. Before this year this was not possible because I was home with either one or both of them… I’m a multi-tasker but I ain’t that good!
Ann Milner
January 28th, 2010 at 3:49 amThank you for writing in words what my heart already knew to be true. I’m going to print this out and place it on the refrigerator as a reminder.
We can say that we value our children and our families…but only some of us really mean it. We show this by our actions. I know that my family appreciates my deliberate action to become a freelancer, I know that because of my action…they can see how valuable they are to me and to this world.
Thanks for posting!
Tamixes
January 28th, 2010 at 7:15 amThanks for the great post Lexi!
As a Mom and a freelancer it pays to feed your soul by doing what fuels you best – creativity is by far too underrated as a viable asset.
By freelancing we also encourage our children to be ‘creators’ as opposed to ‘consumers’.
Our world is changing so fast that we need to be creative in our ability to deal with challenges and changes – if any one has watched ‘shift happens’ (http://tinyurl.com/2rzrn9) you’ll agree that life as a freelancer encourages flexibility to match the speed of change.
60srad
February 1st, 2010 at 9:33 amLesson 4: Health reform matters
Michelle Quillin
February 2nd, 2010 at 3:59 pm@Kara — The homeschooling organization I belonged to (over 400 families when I was homeschooling) had so many “things” to do together, the socialization aspect could easily have taken over! There’re certainly no issues with socialization in homeschooling for a parent who is concerned about that.
If I had been freelancing at the time (I wasn’t — my husband was the sole breadwinner), I would’ve signed our daughter up for co-ops (homeschoolers learning together, usually under the tutelage of homeschooling parents), or swapped carpooling duties with other families who were going to the same regular activities.The key is joining a local homeschooling network or two. I’m blessed to live in a state that has four large networks, plus many smaller ones.
I know a lot of homeschooling parents who freelance and homeschool, and manage really well. But don’t beat yourself up if you don’t want to follow suit! It took me 7 years of avoiding the inevitable to get up the courage to homeschool. Once I started, I kicked myself for not having done it sooner, but that’s my experience. It was the best solution for our family, and for our daughter, and that’s what matters, right?
Kara Gray
February 2nd, 2010 at 4:18 pm@Michelle: You are absolutely right! I live in a very rural area, but we have an incredible, small elementary school where my daughter excels in a class of only 12 students who each benefit from personalized attention from their wonderfully caring and highly skilled teacher. Without this school nearby, the closest one would require a minimum 75 minute bus ride EACH WAY. NO WAY! We have to “do battle” with our county board of education every few years to keep our exceptional little school open and prevent the trend toward consolidation from hindering our children’s education. If we ever lose that battle and they shutter the doors, I will definitely homeschool–someway, somehow–no doubt about it.
Michelle Quillin
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:11 pm@Kara — I’m glad that you have such a great school, and that you have the gift of being able to freelance so you can be there for your kids when they need you! You indeed have the best of both worlds. What a blessing!
carolyn
February 22nd, 2010 at 4:21 pmI LOOVE this.I am a musician mom to 3 great kids.Growing up I was told EXACTLY what you speak of”do it as a hobby.”and tooons of variations of that same ilk.I carved out my own path(and playing weddings and etc…is pretty lucrative..incidentally)Well to make a long story short..my kids are musically gifted.And as they age and i get to nurture that,I feel bad that my folks gypped themselves of that experience.Your kids are some lucky ones…and someday,they will tell you that!
Interior Designs
March 10th, 2010 at 4:28 amI like this post much. Because parenthood is also part of the life especially for our children. So presence is so important than the present. Even though being freelancer , we should take care about our children.
Paul d'Aoust
March 10th, 2010 at 2:40 pmWell-said: I think that nowadays some of us are rather married to our jobs, and we need to remember that, although we may be passionate about them, they are there to allow us to live comfortably with the things that matter most, like our families.
webecho
July 20th, 2010 at 11:25 amI should win because I’ve just finished reading…
HTML5 for Web Designers – Jeremy Keith
Content Strategy for the Web – Kristina Halvorsen
Designing with Web Standards – Jeffrey Zeldman
Developing with Web Standards – John Allsop
50 ways to make Google love your website – Steve Johnston (much much better than the slightly cheesy title suggests)
… and now I have nothing left to read.
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