Manifesto for a Freelancer with a Family

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Manifesto for a Freelancer with a Family

Posted October 19, 2010 in Lifestyle, Managing Clients

There are countless potential benefits of being a freelancer, and the list increases if you have a spouse and children sharing the experience with you. Many, like me, are lucky enough to work from home and get to experience family life intertwined with their work on a daily basis. However, I have learned that if I don’t make a concentrated and consistent effort to seize this opportunity, it can be very easy to miss the moments that matter most.

In this post, I will share my personal declarations of my commitment to my family in my freelancing business with the hope that my manifesto will encourage you to create your own. Shouldn’t we all be giving the best of ourselves to our loved ones?

My Family Will Always Come First

Quite simply, nothing and no one is more important to me than my family. Therefore I will:

Make it very clear to my clients that this value is a primary element of my business. Yes, clients are important, but they will never come before my family.
Drop everything when I am needed by my spouse and/or children. Everything.
Commit to eating meals together as a family.
Schedule family outings, events and trips as priorities, before I schedule meetings and seminars and other business functions.

I Will Keep My Marriage Healthy

This should be a given, but I’ve learned that once I take something for granted, it gets less proactive attention. Therefore I will:

Make time for romantic evenings, getaways, lunch dates and whatever else we can both make happen on a regular basis. And often.
Make sure my spouse feels valued, loved, respected and appreciated. Always.
Take full advantage of the freedom and control I have over my own work schedule and utilize it to create opportunities for time with my spouse that I otherwise would not be able to do.
Be present. Not just physically, but completely present, even when I’m working.

I Will Pour Myself into My Children

My eldest daughter moved out of the house and started college this year. Nothing has ever had a more profound impact on my awareness of how little time I have with my kids and how quickly it disappears. Thankfully, freelancing gives me more than average opportunities to spend my days and nights with them. Therefore I will:

Never consider them an interruption or a distraction. Never.
Stop working when they come home from school and catch up on their day with them.
Interact with them even as I am working, but never with divided attention.
Communicate clearly to them the times that I must focus on work instead of them, and explain why (deadlines, phone calls, etc.) so they understand they are still more important than the work itself.
Seize every opportunity to offer help, advice, encouragement, and anything else they need from their parents.
Make their school and social calendars as much a priority for me as they are for them.
Take a genuine interest in everything that they are interested and involved in.
Do everything I can to contribute to their progression toward becoming the best possible person they can be.

I Will Keep Myself Healthy and Sane

I have a responsibility to my family to be the best me I can be. If I burn out mentally or physically, the rest of my commitments to my family will suffer as well. Therefore I will:

Exercise regularly, eat right, and do all of the things that are required for living a long, healthy and physically productive life.
Take time off. Yes, actually disconnect and spend time away from work. I love what I do, but if it’s all I do then I will be of no good use to anyone else.
Schedule “me” time doing things I enjoy.

Your Manifesto?

These are many of the things that are working for me and my family. I don’t claim perfection, but so far I am enjoying 21 years of marriage and 3 amazing kids, so I know it’s working for me. What are some of the elements that make up your own personal manifesto for freelancing and your family? If you haven’t yet made one, would you consider doing it now? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

About the author: Brian is a freelance web & graphic designer with over 15 years' experience. His business bkmacdaddy designs specializes in completely custom WordPress, Joomla, Magento & CSS/XHTML websites as well as logo design, brand identity, social media management and more. Brian is a father of 3 and madly in love with his wife of many years.

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41 Comments

msibda
October 19th, 2010 at 8:48 am

This reminds me of a quote I heard not too long ago….”Work to live…. never live to work”

your article really illustrates to me the important stuff in life we take for granted and forget.

Thanks for the reminder.
Paul Jacobs
October 19th, 2010 at 8:52 am

Brian, I couldn’t agree more with your blog post. Everything is second to my family, it was like I wrote this blog myself. Well written and concise, my family is not a hinderance or an annoyance to me while I am working and I drop everything to help out, I always have. Work maybe important to stay afloat but it is not THAT important..!

Nice job..!
Jordan Walker
October 19th, 2010 at 9:07 am

Sounds like your priorities are all in check.
mariana
October 19th, 2010 at 9:40 am

thank you for the reminder Brian.
Tobi
October 19th, 2010 at 10:45 am

Looks like you should take some time to pray in between spending time on all those liabilities. Because if you are not some kind of ueberhuman, you will never reach your high goals without help.
Brian McDaniel
October 19th, 2010 at 10:59 am

@msibda: Glad the reminder was helpful for you. I needed it too! :-)

@Paul: Thanks for the kudos. It’s good to know there are others who truly value their family above their work in this day and age where that seems an exception more often than not.

@Jordan: Thanks. I try. Writing this helps me work on it too.

@Mariana: My pleasure. I think we all need to check these things often and remind ourselves.

@Tobi: Good point, if prayer is part of your belief system. However, I don’t consider any of the things I listed as liabilities. They are all wonderful benefits! :)
Danielle Walker
October 19th, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Thank you so much for this – it’s going to become a permanent fixture on my “cloffice” wall. I often get so busy with work that I have to physically stop and take a mental check of why it is that I do what I do.
Ruth
October 19th, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Thanks, Brain. I’m going to print this out and read it every morning!
Avdi Grimm
October 19th, 2010 at 1:13 pm

Beautifully written, I am inspired.
Velinda
October 19th, 2010 at 2:04 pm

This is awesome Brian. I will be printing this out and sharing it with my family also.
Tess
October 19th, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Amen! I could not have written it better myself (or did you steal all my ideas? ;-) )
My family IS my main reason for becoming a freelancer, but sometimes we all get carried away and forget the reasons. Thank you for reminding us. All your points are things I try to live by, sometimes one has more balance, sometimes another.
Lexi Rodrigo
October 19th, 2010 at 2:30 pm

Excellent manifesto, Brian! Recently, I’ve been thinking about boundaries. For example, I refuse to work on weekends–unless absolutely necessary to prepare for a family vacation. Or to answer emails in the evening.

I mean, if we went to work in an office, we wouldn’t be expected to be at the beck and call of our employers 24/7, right?

We need to set the same or similar boundaries with our clients.

I think it’s just as important for single, child-less freelancers to have these boundaries, because they’re in more of a position to get completely lost in their work and forget about their personal well-being or anything else.

Thanks for the post!
Lorraine
October 19th, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Hi Brian:

I love your manifesto and applaud the emphatic tone you take in declaring Family First.

From the details you provide, it’s clear you walk your talk. I espeacilly appreciate your commitment to “pour yourself into your children” and your promise to…

* Never consider them an interruption or a distraction. Never.
* Stop working when they come home from school and catch up on their day with them.

The hours and attention we lavish on our children is irreplaceable. How many working parents–freelancers and corporate workers alike–are “there” without really being present?

It gives me a sinking feeling to see parents on lacrosse sidelines, in the middle of school plays, at potluck dinners tapping away on iPhones and laptops.

We all understand the pull. But the truth? You have the rest of your life to disappear into work and digital media–should you so choose. But your kids are only young for a little while.
Jim Gay
October 19th, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Thanks for writing this; it’s great!
BebopDesigner
October 19th, 2010 at 8:02 pm

THANKS A MILLION for the words of wisdom.

I’ve got a 2 and 6 year old boys and a 15 year daughter. My wife just got started getting her PhD.

So I’ll follow your advice and come up with my own manifesto. Not only because it’s healthy and wise, but because I feel I really need it. Otherwise I’ll just start losing it.

Thanks again
Stephanie
October 19th, 2010 at 9:20 pm

Such an inspiring post! I agree, family will always come first no matter what, because in the end you’re never going to be happy with the money and reputation you earn without the love and support of your spouse and children.

And because I prioritize my family the most, I make it a point to set weekends off and to give time to my daughter at the end of the day. It’s a good balance and hopefully it won’t change so much once I gain more clients and more work.
Scott Dover
October 20th, 2010 at 12:46 am

Incredibly inspiring. I’ve just started doing freelance work, so this manifesto couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ll keep this close by whenever I’m losing touch.
Ameet
October 20th, 2010 at 1:57 am

interesting…but it really get tough at times when u are starting freelancing career…
wutwut
October 20th, 2010 at 2:35 am

pathetic
Steve Avery
October 20th, 2010 at 4:38 am

Great post Brian. Agree with everything you’ve mentioned above.

I too am a beginner (6 months) at freelance but I have one question. You mention that and I quote:

“Make it very clear to my clients that this value is a primary element of my business. Yes, clients are important, but they will never come before my family.”

How do you communicate this to your clients? Is it verbally or do you have something along these lines written into your contract?
Brian McDaniel
October 20th, 2010 at 9:07 am

@Steve: I don’t have any set way of communicating this to my clients, and I guess it’s more indirect in most cases. I just make a point from the beginning of a relationship with a new client to communicate that I am a person, not a company, and therefore I have different priorities. I will often share some personal information as we get to know each other initially, and so mentioning the importance of my family comes up. I also make it clear in my online activities (blog, social networks, etc.) so potential clients have an idea of what they are getting into when considering my services. I then carry this priority throughout the working relationship, and keep them informed of times I am unavailable and why, especially in regard to family events, weekends, etc.

For many (unlike wutwut’s comment above), this value system is seen as a benefit, not a hindrance, because it gives them insight into the type of person they will be working with. I guess I figure if clients think family should be a lower priority then I’m not really interested in working with them anyway.

Hope that helps!
Jon W
October 20th, 2010 at 11:36 am

All the above is true but smacks of idealism.

When you are the sole earner in the family and are starting up a freelance business, you cannot drop your work several times a day to cater to the kids. There’s nothing cold about that, nothing callous, it’s just common sense.

You need to lay down some ground rules if you are going to have any chance of keeping your though processes on track.

I started with the whole ‘put family first’ mentality and it jsut does not work like that in reality. If you are in a position where you need to work for only 4 hours a day then great – stop work every time the baby tries to climb up your leg or the wife shouts out, “I need you to move this box for me”.

I try to spend as much time as possible with my family in the day time but a work day is a work day. End of story. Had I decided to keep my office job then I wouldn’t be available at all between 8am and 6pm. Instead I am available some of the time. However if you think that I’m going to drop what I’m doing every single time there’s a distraction then you’re clearly out of your tree!

For some time, each day I have to close the office door which means I have to concentrate without disruption. This causes no angst between the wife and myself as she understands that without me knukling down and getting some uninterrupted work done, we won’t have a roof over our heads.

Again, nice post but this is the real world.

Jon.
Steve Avery
October 20th, 2010 at 11:46 am

@Brian Thanks for the reply.

@Jon I can totally relate to your comments. That’s exactly how it is in my house at the moment. Not through me working on client work but as I mentioned I’ve only recently started a freelance career and this was due to being made redundant, so when I’m at home with no *client* work to do I try and do things that will benefit me eg get business cards designed etc.

I don’t have the luxury of having a separate room or office to work so I end up on the dining room table. That’s not good. As you mentioned having wife or kids around just does not help and its very hard to stop what your doing… even if it is to move a box.
Jon W
October 20th, 2010 at 11:57 am

ATTN Steve – thanks for your response. When I say ‘I close the office door’, I mean ‘close the lounge door’, as, like yourself, I have a laptop on the dining room table :))

The wife, bless her, takes the baby out for at least 3-4 hours a day; swimming and new mum clubs etc. and thankfully, is so understanding that she knows if I am concentrating and get interrupted it can take 30 mins to get back into the groove again.

When work calms down at several points each day then I make a point of spending some time with her and playing with our baby but, with exceptions, work comes first.

All of these work to live don’t live to work comments can not come from people who have been recently made redundant and are embarking on a freelance career for the first time.

i love my wife and I love my child and that is why I need to knuckle down in the days to get the work done to provide for them now and in the future. By getting up and losing track of what I’m doing every 20 minutes then I am risking everything by failing at the one and only real shot I have of creating and maintaining a successful business.
Steve Avery
October 20th, 2010 at 12:24 pm

@Jon 100% with you there :) Good luck for the future!
Brian McDaniel
October 20th, 2010 at 12:29 pm

@Jon: Yes, I admit I am an idealist. Obviously, these priorities are what work for me and are based on my own value system, which is why I suggested each person may want to write their own “manifesto”. In general, I do believe your family should be important enough to take the time to create a clear understanding of how you will operate and what your commitment to them is in relation to your work, whether that be written or just talking about it. This is, of course, just my opinion, and I realize we all approach these things differently.

My children are older now, and my eldest left for college this year, which brought the realization of how little time we have with them to the forefront. But I have had these commitments throughout the years, both as a freelancer and even when I had an office job. Personally, I would be very dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and disappointed if I designated my family to play second fiddle to my work. That’s my own “real world”, and so far it’s working great for me.
Jessica
October 20th, 2010 at 6:03 pm

What a great list! I wish I would have realized the importance of this list about 3 years ago when I agreed to work with a client who expected 24/7 access. Thankfully I fired that client about 10 months ago and my life (and family) has been much happier, healthier and stress free. Nothing is more important than family, and I now look at possible freelance projects through that filter. Thanks for the reminder!
Florence
October 21st, 2010 at 1:28 am

I was SO glad to read your post and find a like mind.
Thank you.
Steve Marshall
October 22nd, 2010 at 10:24 am

A great manifesto!

And very poignant for me. After a great year in business terms, I am dealing with sickness in my family, my kids are growing up way too fast, I have hardly seen my wife and I am unfit, tired and feeling disconnected from my world.

Time I think, to smell the roses, hang out with my family and resolve to not get into that routine again….

I had a very different manifesto for success and it only achieved money. The most important things can’t be bought. Thanks for your help by offering such a good post!
Sergio Guillen Rodriguez
October 4th, 2011 at 6:06 am

Love it! Great post, the ultimate list every freelancer should have on his or her office wall.

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