What To Do When You Feel Invisible
Posted July 16, 2008 in Lifestyle 10 Comments »
Have you ever felt invisible? Or, perhaps I should ask instead, have you ever felt inaudible – as though your words and ideas are being totally ignored. . . as though no one hears you.
I remember the first time it happened. I was only about 11 years old. My dad took me out to eat at a restaurant. For some reason, I had my heart set on eating pancakes that day. My dad had other ideas…
When the waitress came to take our order, I voiced my order softly and hesitantly, “I’d like a plate of pancakes, please.”
My dad was firm. “She’ll have the chicken,” he stated loudly.
Later, when our order arrived, I bet that you can guess what meal the waitress brought to me. That’s right, it was the chicken meal!
That may have been the first time that I felt invisible, but it wasn’t the last.
Being Invisible to Clients
I sometimes feel as though I am invisible (or at least inaudible) to my clients. Despite the fact that I am a freelance professional with nearly 20 years of writing experience, there are still some clients who choose to totally ignore my professional advice.
Like many freelancers, I go to great pains to make recommendations that I know will be in the client’s best interest. Sometimes the recommendations are simple – change the wording in this way. At other times, the recommendations are more complex – to be effective the document in question needs to be restructured.
It’s not always easy to create client recommendations. It takes time and effort to determine how the client can best be helped.
Yet, despite all the effort and despite the fact that client hired me to help them, there are still a few clients who refuse to follow my recommendations and choose to continue to follow their original course of action (often to their detriment). It’s as though I’m invisible to them.
What To Do When You Feel Invisible
Does a client’s rejection of my recommendations make me feel bad?
I’ll be honest. It used to bother me when my ideas were turned down – especially when I knew that the ideas were good.
Over time, however, I’ve developed some techniques for dealing with situations where my advice is ignored. Here are five tips about what to do when a client’s rejection makes you feel invisible:
- Say it again. Often it takes some time for a client to warm up to an idea – especially if it is quite different from the direction that they have been following. Presenting the concept again in a slightly different way may help the client to accept it.
- Write it down. Different people process information in different ways. If you made a verbal presentation of your ideas, try sending a written presentation. Likewise, if you made a written presentation, try presenting it orally.
- Wait. While the client may not be ready to make the changes that you suggest now, there may come a future time when they will accept them. File your recommendations for when they are needed.
- Find a confidante. When your ideas have been ignored or rejected, it often helps to express your disappointment to a trusted friend or colleague. If you can find someone in a similar field, it’s especially helpful.
- Relax. Ultimately, it’s the client’s business. You’ve done your best and provided your client with good information. You’ve expressed the importance of following your advice. In the end, the decision of how to run their business belongs to your client.
Have you ever felt that your advice doesn’t matter to a client? How have you dealt with feeling “invisible” to your clients and others?
Laura
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About the author: Laura Spencer is a freelance writer from North Central Texas with over 18 years of professional business writing experience. If you liked this post, then you may also enjoy Laura’s blog about her freelance writing experiences, WritingThoughts.
About the author: Laura Spencer is a freelance writer from North Central Texas with over 19 years of professional business writing experience. If you liked this post, then you may also enjoy Laura’s blog about her freelance writing experiences, WritingThoughts
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10 Comments
Lois K
July 16th, 2008 at 6:37 pmI can SO RELATE!!! Selective hearing loss is such a tragic thing to deal with. Some clients don’t get it verbally or written. I had one client that kept coming back asking me to break it down again. It took six tries!!! But he finally got it and so did I. It is a patience thing sometimes. The one with the most patience wins.
Jen
July 16th, 2008 at 11:57 pmThe ones I find the most amusing are those who only like the sound of their voices. For example, when they make a recommendation after I’ve made the same suggestion just weeks before. As long as we continue to move ahead with their project and I get paid in full, that’s all that matters at this point.
Jen Thomas
Research Analyst
Muvar Software
James Chartrand - Men with Pens
July 17th, 2008 at 8:23 amOh man. That little story you told made me want to go hug my kids. And made me think of a little story of my own:
This weekend at the local fair, my toddler and I played games to collect stuffed toys. The vendors would let us win three and then trade them up for bigger stuffed animals.
“I’ll just take this one and this one and this one,” the woman snatched some of my toddler’s collection. “And give you THIS!” She presented my kid with a real ugly purple bumblebee.
“But I like my cow.” My daughter eyed the toy.
“But look at THIS!” The woman pretended to admire the shiny wings, the boggly eyes. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
“I like my COW.” My toddler firmed up.
“A cow? Oh no, honey. This one is so much better. Look how sparkly it is!”
“I. Want. My. Cow.”
I was silently cheering. She got her cow back and when we walked away, I told her how proud I was that she’d spoken out and stuck up for what she really wanted.
Too many people have trouble doing that. Firmly saying what you think is right or getting your message across isn’t easy. We fear ridicule, embarrassment, don’t trust ourselves enough or don’t want anyone to think we’re pushy. Truth is, we only hurt ourselves.
In business, when I know something isn’t the right choice for the client, I say so – gently – and I tell them WHY it’s not the right choice. I also offer my alternative. They have all the information they need to take an informed decision.
If they pursue their original idea, I’ll restate my case – gently and clearly – and mention that if their idea is what they want, I’ll do it, but that I don’t think it’s the best choice. Could they confirm that’s what they truly want?
That often gives clients pause for thought. And they often come back after thinking it over to say they agree with me and thank me for standing firm in the face of their own pushing.
I think it’s in the tone and style that you deliver suggestions and the confidence you convey when holding out for what you know is best. But it’s also knowing when to give up and keep the client happy.
Good one, Laura.
Laura Spencer
July 17th, 2008 at 8:34 amIt seems the “invisible” experience is more common than I realized. I’m glad that this post reached some folks.
James – thanks for sharing your story. With a Dad like you I’m sure that your daughter will grow up with boatloads of self-confidence. (Sadly, a lot of people tend to tune children out. Good to know that you’re not one of them.)
James Chartrand - Men with Pens
July 17th, 2008 at 8:44 am@ Laura – I bet many people won’t comment on the post because they feel invisible, too. Which is a shame.
As for self-confident kids, let’s just say she and I face off in fireworks sometimes :)
Laura Spencer
July 17th, 2008 at 9:29 amHi James!
I never know for sure which discussions will take off.
Sometimes posts that are carefully crafted for success fall flat. Other times posts that are merely rants on my part really take off.
Barry Pekin
July 23rd, 2008 at 4:31 pmYour suggestion to wait is one that I can relate to.
I’ve had to make recommendations to clients that require they make significant changes in their business practices, or at least undertake a major new project. One such example was to move from a series of unique custom desktop applications that were causing my client some serious deployment and management issues to an Intranet-based solution. They just didn’t want to commit to something that seemed to be such a major undertaking. In the following weeks and months, I would just mention it here and there in such a way as not to obviously restate my case, but rather to make them aware of benefits or examples. Ultimately, they conversations turned more to when, and not if, we were going to start this intiative.
They really just needed time for the idea to feel comfortable to them. Once they got to that point, there were no more serious obstacles.
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